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Post by craisin on Feb 26, 2014 12:40:26 GMT -5
Man walks into the bathroom and sees his 15 year old son polaying with himself. He says "What the fudge do you think you are doing? At your age I was out shagging loads of women! Now, if you get laid today, I'll give you a tenner." So the boy goes out, and comes back later. Dad: "Did you get laid then?" Boy: "Yes Dad!" Dad: "So who did you shag then?" Boy: "My grandma." Dad: "You fudgeed my mother?" Boy: "Well, you fudgeed mine..."
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Post by craisin on Feb 26, 2014 12:45:06 GMT -5
wee boy wakes up in the middle of the night and goes through to his parents room.Mummy and daddy are having sex, so the wee boy thinks "Oh great, horsey rides" so he jumps onto his fathers back, then his mum starts screaming and wailing, moaning and groaning. So the wee boy says "hold on daddy, this is where the milkman and I usually get thrown off!!"
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jmkjr72
contributing staff
Commander 132nd Northern Cav. Division
Posts: 2,779
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Post by jmkjr72 on Mar 16, 2014 18:20:16 GMT -5
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Post by craisin on Mar 16, 2014 18:27:21 GMT -5
cheered me up that did
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Post by craisin on Mar 16, 2014 19:12:15 GMT -5
I knew my weight problem was starting to get out of hand when the only time I ejaculated whilst watching a porno was when the guy delivered the pizza.
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Post by craisin on Mar 16, 2014 19:23:02 GMT -5
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, 'Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.' Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk. 'Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Randy took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there. Later, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. The farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such colourful, and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.' Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, 'Shhh, they're getting closer!'
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane and as such have gone for a holiday back to the place where they first met. While sitting at a cafe the little old man says, 'Remember the first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works and I gave you one from behind.' 'Why, yes I remember it well dear,' replies the little old lady with a grin. 'Well, for old time's sake, lets go there again and I'll give you one from behind.' The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows the pensioners. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips and the little old lady then reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for a hour. Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, 'I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in fifty years time!' The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage the man approaches the pensioner. He says, 'Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret, could you shag like that fifty years ago?' The pensioner replies, 'Son, fifty years ago that fudgeing fence wasn't electrified.'
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Post by craisin on Mar 16, 2014 19:34:38 GMT -5
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Post by craisin on Mar 17, 2014 14:22:58 GMT -5
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare
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Post by craisin on Mar 17, 2014 14:27:59 GMT -5
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Post by craisin on Mar 17, 2014 14:31:36 GMT -5
cute
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Post by craisin on Mar 18, 2014 1:13:50 GMT -5
hows this
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Post by craisin on Mar 19, 2014 5:43:32 GMT -5
I would love to read some good jokes could someone please post some?
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Post by arcanum70 on Mar 19, 2014 12:06:19 GMT -5
I would love to read some good jokes could someone please post some?
I don't know if these are good or not, but here is one.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to screw in the bulb and another to write an article about how the socket got violated.
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Post by craisin on Mar 19, 2014 20:54:30 GMT -5
yeah yeah how many unspecified gendered people would take to screw in a light bulb after they got out of jail for violating a name suppressed socket that was gagging for it anyway but preferred batting for the other team
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Post by arcanum70 on Mar 20, 2014 13:42:46 GMT -5
yeah yeah how many unspecified gendered people would take to screw in a light bulb after they got out of jail for violating a name suppressed socket that was gagging for it anyway but preferred batting for the other team 3?
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